


How to Get a Job as a Joyless Elf: Lessons in Interviewing for Santa's Workshop

by totallynotnatalie



Category: GWA - Fandom, Original Work, gonewildaudio - Fandom
Genre: 18+ ONLY, Blow Jobs, Christmas Smut, F/M, Gamer Girl Turned Santa Elf, Gonewildaudio, NFSW Job Interview Answers, Screenplay/Script Format, Sex in Santa's Chair, Snarky Banter, Strangers to Lovers, Tsunderes, f4m - Freeform, gwa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28152009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotnatalie/pseuds/totallynotnatalie
Summary: The character is a snarky adult orphan who is interviewing at Santa's workshop in order to earn some extra money to buy video games. She's smart and snarky and very sex positive.
Relationships: F4M
Kudos: 1





	How to Get a Job as a Joyless Elf: Lessons in Interviewing for Santa's Workshop

[F4M][Script Offer] How to Get a Job as a Joyless Elf: Lessons in Interviewing for Santa's Workshop [Strangers to Lovers] [Gamer Girl to Turned Santa Elf] [A Bit Tsundere] [Blowjob] [Creampie] [Sex in Santa's Chair] [Lots of Snarky Banter] [Confidence] [Christmas Orphan] [NSFW Job Interview Answers]

Character Notes: The character is a snarky adult orphan who is interviewing at Santa's workshop in order to earn some extra money to buy video games. She's smart and snarky and very sex positive. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
Hi, I'm here to apply for Santa's Wonderland. 

Yeah, as an elf. I don't think that this hot body is going to fit into the Santa costume. Do you? 

Oh, um...Sorry, sorry...can we just forget that I said that? 

Look, I know that I need to work on my people skills...but hey at least I'm honest? That counts for something right? 

Come on, please? I really need this job. Otherwise, I won't be able to buy Christmas presents...

You wouldn't want me to let my family down, would you? 

Oh? My mom...I want to get her...

Um...

Okay, look, fine. I said that I would be honest. I don't really need to buy Christmas presents. But money's tight right now and I really want to save up to buy Cyberpunk 2077. Ugh, it's been like death watching everyone stream it. I can barely take it anymore. I just *need* to get my hands on a copy. 

Anyway, I know that story doesn't exactly pull at the heartstrings or whatever, but can you try to understand how important this is to me? 

What? 

Oh, no. Absolutely not. I didn't come here to have you lecture me on the true meaning of Christmas. If I want to buy something with money that I freaking earned, that's my business. I don't need your sentimentality and I definitely don't need your judgment. 

Admittedly, I do kind of need you to give me money...but let's put that aside for now. Anyway, you're the one who set-up this whole Santa racket. So, it's not like you're some Christmas angel. 

And don't give me that crap about putting smiles on faces. You're charging families 20 bucks for an excuse to get a badly-lit photo of their kid crying on Santas lap. Yeah, real generous of you. 

You probably don't even pay your staff well. And you cheaped out on the decorations too. Just Santas chair, some fake snow, and some giant candy canes and lollipops. It's cute, I guess. But I've seen better set-ups at Costco. And why on earth did you want to hold the interview back here in the first place? Did you really want to show this crappy place off to some wannabe elf girl? 

What? 

Um, yeah...I still want the job. It's still money. And I at least want to be able to buy something during the winter steam sale. 

Yeah, I want to buy stuff for *me* that's it. 

Ugh, will you knock it off with that family crap? It's so annoying and hypocritical. 

Yeah, sure. Fine, whatever. Buy your dad a car if you want. I don't care. It doesn't apply to me. 

(annoyed) I am not being selfish. 

(shouting) Because I'm an orphan. 

Fuck. 

No, no. Please don't give me that look. Trust me, I'm an adult, so I don't need your pity. And I *really* don't need to you do the thing where you psychoanalyze me and tell me that my snarky personality and love of video games is a method of creating a barrier between myself and my grief. 

Yeah, nice try Dr. Phil. I could tell you were that thinking it. I've only heard that line about a dozen times or so. And whatever, my parents died five years ago. But, you wanna know a secret? I was always this way. Ever since I was a kid. Their death had nothing to do with it. I grieved, it was rough. And sometimes I still feel sad, but it doesn't really affect my daily life. So, see? I'm perfectly healthy. And I don't need some weirdo with a clipboard telling me otherwise.

Like, no offense or anything. 

What? Yeah, I'm a little lonely. But who isn't this time of year? 

Oh, come on. I told you to knock it off with that look. I'm fine. And if you're gonna pity me, at least hire me so that I can buy some new games. 

Look, I know that I'm blunt, but kids today love that honesty shit. 

Um, not that I would say shit in front of them or anything...

Anyway, do you have any other questions that you want to ask me. I think I've already explained why I want the job-money. That's literally the only reason. 

Yeah, I'm really hoping that you're likin' this whole honesty angle that I'm trying. Cause it's pretty much all I got. 

(laughing) Alright then, hit me with another one and I'll be just brutal. 

(pause) 

What brings me joy? Is that seriously the question? 

Wow, you really are a sap. Why do you even care what brings your potential employees joy? Please tell me that you're not expecting someone to say (mocking) 'all the wonderful smiles I put on children's faces'? Cause anyone who gives you that bullshit is a brown-nosing prick. 

But don't worry, my answer is going to be way better than that. I just need to think of it... 

No, it's not video games. Video games don't bring me joy. They bring me rage. It's just a really good kind of rage. 

But it's not joy. What brings me joy is well...Honestly, giving blowjobs. 

What? It's the season of giving after all, and that's what I love to give-blowjobs. 

There. I bet you ten bucks that nobody else with have half as unique an answer to that question. 

Except I don't really because I don't have ten bucks to bet right now. But if I did...

I'd actually bet it on the fact that you want me to give you one. 

Whatever, dude. I can see the bulge in your pants. 

No, no. Don't try to hide it. I wanna take pride in turning you on. I suspect that you're a pretty tough nut to crack. 

Get it? 

Come on, it was a good pun. 

*sigh*

Fine, if you won't laugh...then I guess I'll just have to make you moan. 

*kissing*

Oh, don't worry, sweetie. I'm not doing this to get the job. I like to earn those things through my winning personality alone. 

*kissing* 

This is just for fun. 

(whisper) And you did want me to give someone a gift this holiday season. 

And don't worry, you did a wonderful job of closing off Santa's little wonderland. Anyone wandering around the mall might be able to hear us, but they can't see us. So, as long as we're quiet...

*kiss*

Think that you can be quiet for me, babe? 

Good. Then, sit down in Santa's chair and you can review some of my more alternative skill sets. 

You see, I've always had this amazing knack for undoing belt buckles. 

And sliding off boxers...

And taking someone's cock into my mouth. 

*wet sounds begin* 

And sliding my tongue up and down. 

Until they get all hard and excited for me. 

Well, what do you think? Am I passing your performance review so far? 

Mhmmm. That moan sounds promising. 

But I think I need to do more. 

Just to make sure that *fully* answer the interview question. 

Would you like that, babe? 

Good. After all, this is an *oral* examination. 

And if I can't make you laugh...

(whisper) Then I want to make you cum. 

Do you want that, babe? 

Do you want your sweet cum dripping down the back of my throat? 

Or do you want it in my pussy? 

*wet sounds stop*

Well, sweetie, my mouth isn't the only part of me that generous. 

No, no. You stay right there. If we're doing this right, I think that someone is supposed to sit on your lap. 

*kiss*

And I have been a very good girl this year. 

So, don't I deserve a ride? 

Then just let me straddle my legs over you. 

*kiss* 

So that I can decide if this position is a good fit for me. 

Oh, fuck yes. Definitely a very good fit. 

*kissing*

And I know that this is a temporary position, but hopefully, it still lasts for a little while. 

Oh, think you can handle that, babe. 

Oh, fuck yes. 

You can definitely handle that. 

But it makes me want to give you so much more. 

Oh, fuck. 

Let me really show you how generous I can be. 

And let me show how much of you I can take. 

Because I want *all* of you. 

Oh, and if you're as nice as you say you are, then you'll fucking give it to me. 

Oh, please give it to me. Please. 

Come on, fill me up. 

Please. 

You know that you want to. 

Oh, fuck. 

Yes, yes. I'm trying to be quiet. Shut up. 

I don't care. It's hard to stay sane when you feel this good. 

When your cock feels this amazing. 

Fuck yes, give me more. 

Oh, oh. And if you want me to stop moaning then just fucking come already. 

Now, I need it. 

Yes, yes. I'm so ready for you. 

So ready. 

Yes, I'll cum with you. Oh, you fucking perfectionist. 

I'll cum with you. 

Just give it to me. 

Give it to me now. 

Oh, fuck yes. 

Yes...

*orgasm or improv to orgasm*

(panting) Okay, wow. That was great. 

*kiss* 

And I can even check sex Santa's Workshop off my to-do list. Achievement unlocked. Fuck, yeah! 

(pause) 

Um, I guess it would be kind of unprofessional for you to hire me now, huh? 

Oh, what? You still want me to take the job? 

Oh, that's-wait, it's just because we fucked right? 

Yeah, I actually care. It would be weird. And I don't want it to be because I'm an orphan either. I told you, I'm an adult and can take care of myself. So save the charity case for someone else. 

It's not charity? Then why the crap are you hiring me? Like, I was doing my best to sell it to you earlier, but I will clearly suck at this job. So, what the heck? 

(pause)

Okay, well if I'm the only person who applied, then I guess you're stuck with me. 

Whatever a win by default is still a win. Oh, I can't wait to finally play Cyberpunk! And...um, help kids I guess... 

Anyway, just email me the details and I'll see you next week. 

Oh, if you ever want to get together outside of work, then here's my number. To be clear, I'm not wearing the elf costume for any unofficial business though. Got it? 

Good. Then give me a call later, babe. 

*kiss* 

I might have a few more presents for you.


End file.
